Sauna, Steam & Jacuzzi Etiquette

After a long day at work, and an even longer day at the gym, all one is hoping for is the blissful last few minutes spent soaking up the steam in the steam room, turning on the heat in the sauna, or bubbling away inside the jacuzzi.

These activities provide the much needed stress release pent up during the day, and as such, are opportune times for self reflection.

That is of course, until someone shows up who has no idea how to conduct themselves in such situations.

One would think that the etiquette and decorum to be followed in these areas is unwritten but widely practiced, common knowledge even. One would be wrong, very wrong indeed.

Take the following examples:

* Whilst in the steam room, you are NOT ALLOWED to lather yourself up and scrub yourself down, bear in mind you are sharing close proximity with other people, who do not enjoy seeing you touching yourself.

* Also, you may run your hands over your legs to increase blood flow to your muscles and have them release all pent up toxins and poisons in your sweat. It is NOT ACCEPTABLE to be scratching yourself like some flea-ridden mongrel.

* And finally, the most important of all, the only sound meant to escape your lips whilst in the steam room is the sound of your exhalation, or if you should strike up conversation with the other steamers. it is NOT APPROPRIATE to belch like a truck driver whilst in the steam room, especially if someone else is in there with you! (yesterday…)

* As for the sauna, the wooden hut of heat, the rules are simple, get in, sit down, close your eyes, be quiet. The ambience * inside for me was ruined by the entrance of a giant oaf making all sorts of noises, snorting, clearing his throat, even making noises more befitting of a bedroom or a street corner, forcing me to vacate my hot haven into the frigid cold that is now Kuwait.

* Jacuzzi’s, also simple. Do NOT extend your legs so as to be touching others beneath the bubbling water, you are not in there on your own, and at times you are in there with strangers, so conduct yourself in a manner befitting that.

* The GOLDEN RULE that is common to all is of course, PROPER ATTIRE! Do not under any circumstances assume you can simply walk into these rooms with your cotton underwear or tighty whities. That is just disgusting, despicable and plain wrong.

* Big men in the changing room, large men, fluffy men, should refrain from walking around in briefs. If your gut protrudes down the front of your waist, briefs are NOT for you.

* Hairy men, cover up, lest I get my tranquilizer gun, bag and gag you, then deliver you back to the zoo from whence you escaped.

Those are the rules, abide by them.

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